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12 January 2010 @ 08:28 am
BSG ficlet: Embers  
Happy Birthday! mrsdrjackson *twirls*

Um, you probably don't want to claim this ficlet as yours, but give me a wee prompt and I'll see what I can do for you! *squishes*

Pairing: Kara/Sam
Rating: PG
Summary: They gambled it all on Earth. And they lost.

Note: This was supposed to be porn. It failed at being porn UTTERLY. I don't even know where it came from. Really, Porn Muse, can you come back at least for today? please?

The fire burns lower, and when Kara glances across the embers, she's somehow not surprised to see Sam is sitting there. She has no idea how long he's been there, could be minutes, could be an hour since she first lit the fire. Did he see? Does he know that she just burned her own body? If he does, she can't tell. He's staring into the fire, hunched into his coat, but she knows he knows she's there. The distance between them feels like light-years. It feels wrong, him over there, not coming near her, but after the last time, she's surprised he got this close. At least he's not running away, like Leoben did.

She can hear the waves and the brush of the wind through the tall grass, cold and chill on her face now that the fire's dwindling. She opens her mouth to break the silence, but Sam speaks first. "We brought them to this world, and it's dead." His voice is calm, almost conversational, but she can feel his grief for the people who died here and for the rest of his life that died before that.

There's nothing to say, because he's right. Once she could've said at least they had each other, but she lost that, too. He's a Cylon, and even though the bleak look on his face seems human, and even though she remembers warmth and pain and love and anger... they're not real. He was never what she thought, and she never had him at all.

His eyes are still on the low flames, and he murmurs, "I thought you came back to me, I thought we could find a way out of this together... But my Kara died. I understand that now."

She flinches deep inside, realizing he knows. He knows she's not real. And the pain makes her lash out, "I was never your Kara, because you're a lying, frakking Cylon."

He absorbs the words, a rock thrown into deep water that barely ruffles the surface, and answers softly, "I never lied to you."

She snorts. "Only that you were human."

His lips twitch in a bitter little smile. "Guess that makes two of us."

"I'm not a toaster," she hisses, "a machine, a programmed thing..."

Before, hurling hateful words like that at him would've hurt him, but now that little smile grows a little wider. It's disconcerting that he doesn't seem to care -- it's like she's hitting smoke. But his retort is smooth and sharp, striking to her heart with a single blow, "If you're not a Cylon, what are you?"

She freezes, thinking of the corpse still burning between them and the shattered Viper behind her in the dark. I don't know. That's the real answer, but she can't say it. "You're one of the precious Final Five, you tell me."

For an instant there's silence, and she watches the firelight play on his cheeks. She meant it in scorn, not expecting him to know, but now she sees a hesitation in his face, as if he's weighing telling her something. And her heart grows with a new hope that maybe he has the answer, after all.

The fire snaps, making them both start, then his gaze lifts for the first time to find hers. His eyes are colorless in the orange light, but intent. "I remember you," he murmurs. "I remember you from before this world died. I know you were there, and we were together."

The words blindside her, and she doesn't understand what he's saying. "What?" she blurts, and tries to laugh off her sudden confusion. "That's impossible. You can't remember something from two thousand years ago. And you sure as hell can't remember me."

He responds with unshakeable calm. "I do. I was playing music, and you were there. I don't know why this cycle got so frakked up, or why I don't remember anything else, but I remember that. And I think, I hope, someday, you'll remember, too." He climbs to his feet, a looming shadow licked by the fire light, and looks at her across the glowing embers of all they used to be. "You look for the differences, but that's not what's important. Human, Cylon, you, me... we're all lost and alone. We all bleed and we die and hate and we love. We're the same."

"No, we're not," she refuses it, and she knows, even as she says it, that she's wrong.

He looks wistful but resigned. "I wish it was true being a Cylon meant I could turn off my feelings. I tried," he admits, "I tried to make it stop, and turn myself into a cold thing that doesn't care about you. But it didn't work; the pain didn't stop. But in a way, I'm glad of it -- pain tells me I'm alive. And when there's life, there's still a chance you could come back to me."

Though momentarily stunned by the revelation that he'd tried to turn off his feelings for her, by the end of his words, she's back on solid ground. "Not a Cylon. Never."

"If I didn't remember you from the past, I might believe you," he says and shakes his head a little. "But our souls are connected. I feel it, Kara, and I know you do, too, even if you're trying to ignore it right now. We found this place together - that means something. We're not done." He pauses, as if to give her a chance to insist otherwise, but she doesn't say anything. He adds, with a glance toward the water and a soft sigh, "And if not this time, maybe we'll get it right the next time around."

He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. "I hope it doesn't take that long, but when you figure it out, I'll be there, Kara."

Two steps away from the fire, his form disappears into the dark. And somehow, though he's the one leaving, she has the feeling she's the one running away.

The rest of the night she watches the fire die, and she tries not to think of anything at all.

(Deleted comment)
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 07:17 am (UTC)
thanks! and yes, angst is kinda the way of things, esp after New Cap. *sigh* Poor babies,.
Merry F: kara sam rapture hugivanolix on January 12th, 2010 05:04 pm (UTC)
I love how they're equal here. They're both not who they thought they were. They both have weird destiny connections. And they're both hurting so that they can't quite come to each other yet. It makes it so that, even though they're not exactly together, they're still bonded by that equal understanding. Poor kids.
lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - distancelizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 07:20 am (UTC)
I think that's what frustrates me so much about that short time between Earth 1.0 and the mutiny takes it all away -- they really are in the same boat, if only they could see past themselves to know that. *sigh*

M: Kara/Sam SAGN blendmfirefly10 on January 12th, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
Aw, I love this. I love the idea that they've been together before, that their destiny is to find each other, no matter which life they're currently leading. And I love that they're on equal footing, that they've both lied and been lied to, even if it was unintentional. This is such a lovely piece, I can get over the lack of porn:)

Edited at 2010-01-12 07:38 pm (UTC)
lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - don't dielizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 07:26 am (UTC)

Yeah, whether she was his Head!Angel or someone he loved (I can imagine either), I like to think they knew each other back then. and will again.
patron saint of neglected female characters: wakerose_griffes on January 12th, 2010 11:46 pm (UTC)
Oooh, nice angsty fill-in-the-blank moment. Poor OTP!
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam - watching overlizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 07:27 am (UTC)
thank you. I know, poor things! And this is HAPPY compared with what's to come.... :((
entertaining in a disturbing way: Kara cartoonlyssie on January 13th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
aaaaaangst. Sigh.

I like the idea that they had this conversation, that they BOTH knew things. Even if it isn't all happy. It's one more step on the path together.

lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - distancelizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 07:43 am (UTC)
Yeah. They just need to TALK MORE, damn it. None of this running away from each other all the time! *shakes them*

mrsdrjackson: Fangirl Ginny Weaslymrsdrjackson on January 13th, 2010 02:25 am (UTC)
Thanks hon! :D I...well crap, I suck at prompts. Kara and Helo walk into a bar.
lizardbeth: Anders- Helolizardbeth_j on January 14th, 2010 08:37 am (UTC)

*thinks thinky thoughts* ;P