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28 December 2009 @ 11:28 am
Fic: Finding You Again  
Pairing: Anders/Kara
Words: 1200
Summary: Sam wakes up.

Note: Written for pyramidofdreams 12 Days of Kara/Sam, Day 2. Go forth and play! This is something I've been playing with for awhile, but as I have way too many 4.5 AUs running around in my brain as is, this will probably stay a snippet.

Kara squeezed his hand, watching anxiously as his eyelids fluttered. He was coming back. He had to be waking up. He opened his eyes slowly, looking exhausted but aware. She had never seen anything so beautiful in her entire life than the sight of his blue eyes open again.

"Sam?" She leaned forward so he could see her without turning his head. "Hey, baby, I'm so glad you're awake." Her hand rose up to caress his cheek, and remembered grief and fear tangled in her chest and barely let out the words, as she leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Never, ever leave me again."

He asked hoarsely, "Who are you?"

The question startled her, and she looked at him in wild hope that he was joking.

The puzzled look on his face cut her to the bone, and she grabbed his hand, imploring, "Sam? Don't you-- don't you know me?"

He seemed to be thinking about it, and his frown deepened into confusion. "I... think so? Did you come to one of the shows, maybe? I don't think you were at the computer lab..."

At first she had no idea what he was talking about, then realized he was thinking of Earth. Cold horror seeped inside her at his memory lapse. "No. We met on Caprica," she reminded him.

"Caprica?" he repeated, and had to cough to try to clear the hoarseness from his throat. "I haven't been to Caprica. We didn't land on the Colonies. There was too much to do to end the war. And then... and then..." His gaze went distant as his expression darkened, as if he might be remembering something, and then his eyes returned to hers, still without recognition. "Then I woke up here. Wherever here is."

She stared at him, disheartened. Cottle had warned her that Sam could have brain damage, if he woke up at all, but she hadn't believed it could really happen. But apparently it was true. Sam didn't remember any of it: not playing pyramid, not the attacks, not New Caprica... nothing.

"Sam, we're married," she blurted.

"Married? No, I don't think so... I would remember that... " She knew it wasn't his fault, but it still hurt like a needle of ice straight into the middle of her chest that he'd forgotten them.

"You see this?" She turned and showed him her arm tattoo, grateful to the gods for replacing it when they'd sent her back. It was a hell of a lot easier telling him something he didn't recall, when she had such obvious proof of their connection. "You have the matching half. We got them on New Caprica, when we got married. Come on, Sam, try to remember."

He looked at her arm and then his own. But it obviously sparked no memory, as he repeated, "'New' Caprica?"

"We wanted the Lords of Kobol to bless us, and bind our souls together," she said. But it was the wrong thing to say.

He yanked his hand away from hers, and his lips tightened in revulsion. "I don't follow the Lords of Kobol," he bit out. "I would never want anything from them, especially their blessing. They chased us from Kobol; they let Earth die-- they can all frak themselves."

"Sam!" she exclaimed in shock, but fell silent, not knowing what to say. She and Sam had shared a devotion to the gods -- he'd had an easy confidence in his faith, which she now was starting to believe was as false as his memories of elementary school on Picon. If he'd forgotten her, too, maybe that had all been false, too...

He drew a breath and offered, with a weary half-smile, "I'm sorry. Things... are... different than I remember. You... you must be from the Colonies, and you're not one of our designs, so you must be human. I can tell everything's changed a lot. But I don't remember." He reached up to his head, jaw clenching and eyes narrowing as if he had a headache, and found his head shaved. "What happened? To me? Why don't I remember?"

"You were shot in the head," she told him quietly. She could still feel her desperation, when she'd dragged him to the infirmary, fearful at every step he'd stop breathing and she'd lose him. And now it seemed she'd lost him anyway. "You've been in a coma for two months."

He absorbed that. "That's why I feel like crap," he muttered, then turned his gaze back to hers. His eyes looked as lost as she felt. "Will I get my memories back? I must be missing years if I knew you well enough to get married and ridiculously huge matching tattoos."

She smiled reflexively, glad his humor seemed to be intact, but the smile faded. "I don't know," she answered. "I'm not the doctor. But yeah. You're missing years, Sam." Fifty of them, or so, but she didn't want to be the one to tell him that. It was hard enough for her to grasp the truth about who he'd been and how long ago that had been, and she wasn't the one with a huge gap in her memories.

"I figured." His hand slid across the bed toward her and his fingers touched her leg tentatively. She let him, watching curiously, as his fingers traced her thigh and curved around her hip. "I... I've done this before," he murmured. "It feels familiar."

She froze, as if any sudden movement would frighten the memory away. His fingers slid upward, tracing the curve of her waist, before starting to tremble with weakness and falling back to the bed. "Yes," she answered, smiling with a new tentative hope. Maybe the memories were there, and all he needed was time to get them back. "You've done it before." Seizing his hand again, she interlaced their fingers. He didn't object or pull away again, but he did look at their joined hands as if it was something new.

And it was, she realized. It had been such a terribly long time since they'd held hands. Such a long time since they'd had no barriers, with nothing but a desire to be together between them. And it was something she had very nearly lost, so many times. She swallowed and bit her lip to stop it from quivering. He was alive and awake, and she knew better than to scorn this answered prayer or they'd take it away again. "I think your memories will come back," she declared, "but even if they don't, that's okay. We'll work it out together." She hesitated and offered, "I'm Kara."

"Hi, Kara," he murmured and she felt his thumb caress the top of her hand, just as he'd used to do. "I'm Sam."

"I know." She smiled at him, amused by the absurdity of meeting for the first time, when they were married.

But maybe it wasn't so absurd. They could drop all the baggage of the past and start over. She could get to know the Sam she'd never met, the one buried under Cavil's treachery, and he could meet a wiser Kara, who knew better than to let him slip out of her hands again.

I've also written a bit of Nellis-verse for Day One, as I ease my way back into BSG after a number of weeks of fic in very unrelated fandoms.
Mayhem Parva: (charming-syrai) pool SCCraincitygirl on December 28th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
Whoa. AWESOME twist!!!!!!
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam - watching overlizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:39 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:39 am (UTC)
thank, you! And yes, fix-it fics are often just what we need. *nods*
cujoy on December 28th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
lizardbeth: Kara-Anders - staylizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
kalysto jones: karasam <3explodeychik on December 28th, 2009 09:50 pm (UTC)
Aww, loved it!
lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - don't dielizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
thanks! :)
patron saint of neglected female characters: kara/samrose_griffes on December 28th, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC)
Ooh, interesting. I like the "Hi Kara" exchange at the end in particular.
Allison: Sam - Unforgottenfrolicndetour on December 29th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC)
Heh, great minds think alike? ;) This was exactly my thought when I saw the "amnesia" prompt too. It's really plausible, and I like playing with the 'what if Sam woke up but his memory was still messed up' possibility. Makes for great angst-potential. :D
lizardbeth: Kara-Anders IIlizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
It was in fact the perfect prompt for something I've had lingering around for months! it was SO possible.

Isn't it sad that Sam completely losing his memory of Kara is somehow "fix-it" fic? :/
noybusiness: Leoben/Anders/Starbuck threesomenoybusiness on December 29th, 2009 12:33 am (UTC)
Nice. I've been wanting to see amnesia!fic for Sam/Kara.
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam - watching overlizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC)
and now you get two!

Merry F: kara sam tattoosivanolix on December 29th, 2009 12:51 am (UTC)
He's done it before—that has a double meaning, right? It does in my world at least. <3 Awesome!
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on December 29th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
It means whatever you think it means. :P

Merry F: caprica gaiusivanolix on December 29th, 2009 01:53 am (UTC)
Ooh, someone's channeling RDM now? ;-P Just kidding...
entertaining in a disturbing waylyssie on December 30th, 2009 03:53 am (UTC)
She is more thoughtful and cruel kind than RDM. Also, her internal logic makes sense. =D
entertaining in a disturbing way: Kara and Sam are in loooooooovelyssie on December 30th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)
Siiigh. Not knowing who she is has to hurt--Kara more than Sam, but still. Maybe starting over will be good for them both?
lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - don't dielizardbeth_j on December 30th, 2009 05:31 am (UTC)
yeah, It would definitely hurt, but I do think Kara might welcome a clean slate with him. I mean, she'd mourn all the fun stuff they lost and the Sam she had, but there's an awful lot of bad times too. Especially the ones she'd feel responsible for, I'd think she wouldn't mind forgetting. Like that remark about shooting him if he was a Cylon - after "BotS" she has to be regretting that one a lot.

Though knowing, Kara she'd eventually have to confess all of it to him anyway. But even that would probably be good for them, I suspect.

rhoboat: BSG - Starbuckrhoboat on January 14th, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)
Deborah: Sam by lostinapapercupdeborah_judge on April 20th, 2012 01:23 pm (UTC)
Here via remix. I really like the premise here, and the possibilities for hope that you find in it, and how grateful Kara is for this new start.
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam - watching overlizardbeth_j on April 20th, 2012 11:50 pm (UTC)

it was sort of a response to the general assumption (which I make, too, admittedly), that if Sam did wake up, he'd remember everything, when if he didn't that might be something of a clean slate for them.