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04 February 2009 @ 03:25 pm
Fic: Just a Little Late  
Title: Just a Little Late
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kara/Sam
Spoilers: The Oath
Wordcount: ~4000

Warning: RAPE

Summary: Kara reaches the brig to rescue the prisoners a little too late for Sam, and maybe too late for the future.

Note: I put in two cuts: one for the beginning scene which contains rape (which is brutal if not as explicit as it could be), and the second to skip straight to the aftermath and rescue. I tried not to sugarcoat the aftermath too much, so even part 2 should be read with caution. Though there's also some shippiness, so it's not all dark. Frankly this seized me and wouldn't let go - I'm putting it up because I want it out of my head.

(final warning: Rape. Violence. Use your own discretion)

The frakkers come back, dripping their vile promises and threats to Sharon. Gage and Vireem especially seem to enjoy taunting the Agathons with their hate, while their armored marine detail keep their weapons ready and prevent the prisoners from doing anything violent. Sam wouldn't give good odds for them without guns - Sharon is staring at them with scary intensity, and she's got a hand on Helo's arm to keep him from moving, when he looks ready to explode despite his own injuries. Caprica holds Hera, looking protective, but he remembers that look on her face from the parking garage, right before she slammed a rock on D'Anna's head. If she weren't under the muzzle of a gun, there's no telling what she might do.

"Leave her alone!" Sam has no one to restrain him and stands up to confront them. He aches from the beating, but he can't just sit there and listen to them threaten to rape his friends. "In front of her child? What kind of animals are you?"

"'Animals' -- that's all we are to you toasters, isn't it?" Vireem snarls.

"You are," Sharon observes coldly. "Cain was an animal, and so were all her crew."

"You shut your mouth, you filthy Cylon bitch, you don't even say the Admiral's name," Gage spits and when he steps toward the Agathons, Sam darts forward and shoves his shoulder. Gage whirls around, and three of the guns aim at Sam.

He's so tired of all this shit. Sam stands there, fearless, and taunts back, "So, what are you going to do, you son of a bitch? Gonna shoot me? Go ahead - kill me. You'll see me again."

"No resurrection anymore, toaster," Gage sneers.

Sam just smiles, feeling centered and cold as he makes his play. It's been a long time since he felt the ice in his veins of champion pyramid. "For them, yeah," he nods his chin at Sharon then fixes his gaze on Gage. "Me? I'm one of the Final Five. Last of the Thirteenth Tribe. I'm two thousand years old, and I don't need a frakking resurrection hub to come back. So, do it, and the next time you see me, I'll take you down so hard the gods won't remember your name."

Even if it's a bluff, he threatens like he means it and he can do it. It feels good to watch Gage's eyes widen, as Vireem looks about ready to piss himself. One of the younger marines steps back, looking confused, and his hands shift nervously on his weapon.

"Yeah, so what?" Gage retorts, with obvious bravado. "Don’t need to kill you to frak you up, toaster. Take him, boys."

"Frak you, I'm not going anywhere." Gage takes the bait and reaches out to grab him. He hears Caprica call his name as his fist hits Gage in the jaw. The marines move in. He fights back and manages to put one down. But it's not much of a fight once they hit him in that spot on his ribs -- he chokes on the pain, unable to breathe. One of them twists his arm up his back and shoves him out of the room again.

They don't go far, into an empty cell. They shove him down and his knees hit the metal frame of the bed. He clutches the blanket with both hands, trying to find air. Frak, it's like a knife in his side, twisting.

He tenses, waiting for the fists and boots to start again. But they don't, and he wonders if they're getting ready for something more than beating him. Torture. He tries to brace for the pain to come, but until he knows what he's facing, it's all nebulous dread settling in his chest.

There's a hand in his hair, pulling his head up and around to see Gage. "You want to protect those toaster pieces of ass? You can take their place. You're so pretty, I'm sure you have experience taking it on your belly." He licks his lips suggestively, and laughs as Sam's stomach turns over with this new threat. "So there's something our special toaster is afraid of, after all," he purrs. "And you know what? Best of all, it won't even leave a mark when we teach you your place. Cylons are here to serve us."

He drops Sam's head and grabs at the waistband of his pants, and Sam surges upward off his knees, trying to break their hold.

"Frakker! Hold him!" Gage shouts.

He's momentarily free, he punches someone, and then someone else hits him with something hard, right in the side of the head. His vision goes black and starry, though consciousness snaps back a moment later. He finds himself on the bed again, rough blanket against his cheek, and he feels something wet trickling behind his ear.

His stomach lurches and he dry heaves into the blanket. He can feel fingers at his pants again, but he can't make his legs move. Trying to shift his head sends another shower of agonizing sparks in his brain, and if he didn't have a concussion before, he knows he does now.

Cool air on his bare skin, hands on his ass - he tries to move his legs again, but there's a body in between, and his feet can't seem to find purchase on the slick floor to give him any leverage to move. Someone's dry, strong fingers are holding down his wrists.

He hears Gage's zipper go down and the sound of Gage working himself rhythmically. Sam's stomach heaves again, and he coughs, but coughing makes his ribs stab him so he can't breathe. The first touch of something warm and fleshy on his skin, makes him buck and twist instinctively, despite his head and the stabbing rib in his side, and he manages to dislodge the touch briefly. But there's no where to go. "Get off of me. You frakkers will pay for this, I will see you in hell -- " the words come out of his mouth, falling like the impotent stream of fury they are, and none of them pay attention to him.

They don't gag him, so he hears his own threats choke off with the new pain, and his fingers curl into the blanket, the cushion, and the springs beneath. He imagines ripping out one of the springs and killing them with it, the spring tearing into Gage's throat first, and his blood spilling all over the floor. He pictures it in detail, trying desperately to be somewhere else. When Gage is finished, Sam stirs, realizing he's cold, his legs are spread apart, and he hurts, but thank the gods, it's over.

Until it's not over. Gage coaxes Vireem to take a turn.

The fantasy shatters on the floor, leaving Sam aware of every touch, every feeling, and even though he tries to get it back, he can't. He's dizzy, even lying down, and closing his eyes doesn't help. He wants to pass out, but he's still hyperaware of what's happening. He hears a whimper escape his mouth. "Gods, no..." He bites his lip before he begs them to stop.

He hears Gage, whose knees are grinding down on Sam's hands and he's pushing Sam's head into the mattress. He catches what must be Caprica's scent in his nose, something almost floral. Gage taunts, "You're nothing but a machine. We broke that Cylon bitch on Pegasus, and when we're finished breaking you, I'll train you to suck my cock. That'll be the best machine ever - the amazing cocksucking, frakking machine. Don't you think, Vireem?"

"Hell, yeah," Vireem says, through gritted teeth. "We can set it up to frak at both ends. Gods, but he's tight on me. He must like the idea."

Their laughter makes Sam's blood curdle with hate that sustains him until Vireem is done. But the reality is that he's not going to kill them anytime soon - for right now, this is what he is. This is what they've reduced him to. He's their prisoner, their toy - and they don't care that he never did anything to them.

"Your turn, Brotman," Gage tells the third man.

"No way, Gage. Sloppy seconds, come on, that's disgusting," Brotman objects. "Anyhow, I'm not into men."

"Brotman, he's not a man, is he? It's a toaster. So frak his ass right now," Gage orders. "Put your dick in him, and his ass will do the rest. Trust me, it's like it was made for it."

Sam has one moment's hope that Brotman's going to refuse. But Gage and Vireem are insistent and Brotman gives in.

The break has made it that much worse. Every touch hurts, and when Brotman pushes inside, Sam can't help the moaning cry.

Brotman goes torturously slow, forcing himself deep and his hands on Sam's hips bruise. Eventually Gage gets impatient and tells him to hurry up if he wants to get off.

Nobody has to hold Sam down when Brotman finally pulls out. He lays there, deadweight, trying to be absolutely still and slide between the waves of pain. Trying not to be.

Someone pushes his legs more together and starts to pull up his pants, until Gage sneers, "Brotman, he's not that good of a frak. The toaster can do it himself. Get up, Anders. Now you've served us, you can go back to your cage, til next time."

He wants to tell them he's going to kill them. The words burn behind his lips, but he says nothing. He forces himself up on shaking arms and grabs at his pants, not looking any of his assaulters in the face. Not that it matters, because his vision keeps twinning and blurring. The nausea in his stomach isn't all fear and disgust.

Standing upright pulls the black curtain over his eyes again, and he staggers, nearly fainting. Pulling his pants up is nearly more than he can bear - Gods, it hurts, and worse, he can feel the fabric get damp with their leavings and stick to his skin. He needs to wash it off but he can't, and the force of his revulsion shakes him so hard he can barely walk.

* * *

They open the door to the main cell and shove him in, laughing coarsely, and Vireem grabs at his crotch. "Next time, toasters." Sam's never been so glad to have a door shut behind him.

Helo's sitting up, looking pale but awake. Hera's on Sharon's lap, next to him, and Caprica's standing at the wall, waiting with folded arms. "Sam?" she asks and her face creases with concern and worry. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"I'm okay," he lies, and doesn't look at her. He moves gingerly back to his corner. "I'll live." Which is unfortunately true. Sitting down is going to hurt more, so he stays on his feet and leans against the wall. The cell is freezing cold, and he tries to zip up his warmup jacket, but his hands are shaking too much to put it together.

He starts violently when pale hands touch his, and his eyes flick up to see Caprica there. "Let me help," she offers gently, and zips up his jacket. She notices the wound on the side of his head, and her lips purse in concern. "Oh, Sam, this looks terrible. But I think it's stopped bleeding at least. I don't think I should touch it. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Chest," he answers shortly. "They hit me there again, I think at least one rib's broken." He puts one hand against the bulkhead, dizzy and sick, and way too aware of what else is throbbing and making him want to claw off his own skin everywhere they touched him. He can't tell her that, and just the thought of it makes a wave of nausea rise up, and he retches into his hand. When the fit passes, he slumps against the wall and closes his eyes. He tries to breathe shallowly and keep the rib from spiking inside. "Gods, just let me frakking die," he murmurs in prayer, not meaning to be heard and forgetting Caprica's right there.

"No, Sam, don't," she murmurs, and her hand caresses his cheek lightly. "Don't give up on us. We'll get through this. Why not go lay down and rest? Gather your strength."

"If I lay down, I won't get up," he whispers.

"You will, if you rest. Over to the cot." She tries to pull him to the cot, but all he can see is that it's in the middle of the room and he just can't bear that right now.

He pulls free and his legs buckle. Caprica catches him and with her surprising strength helps ease him down. Even kneeling is enough to make him hiss in pain and he shudders. Her delicate nostrils flare and her eyes flicker and fix on his, shocked with some realization. "Sam?" she asks.

But he catches that same vaguely floral scent, the same scent that was on her blanket in the other cell, and reacts. His hands shove her away, sends her sprawling back, and his voice, though soft, has a touch of hysteria in it. "Get away from me!"

Sharon's voice is shocked, "Sam!"

"No, it's okay," Caprica reassures her, and him too, as she straightens slowly. Sam's not looking at her, but he can still see the pity in her eyes. "It's okay. I understand."

Sam curls up on the floor, his back to the corner, and closes his eyes. His whole body is shivering, and he can't seem to stop. He concentrates on breathing, emptying his mind of everything else he can, but it doesn't work. He's still aware of every little sound, and when he hears Caprica rise, he tenses. His heart starts racing at the sound of her heels on the deck.

"Let him rest," she murmurs to Sharon and Helo. "I think he's more hurt than he's telling us."

He rubs at the soreness in his other wrist and hand where they held him down, and every breath hurts from his head to his thighs. He lays there, and wants to escape, but it's inside him and imprinted all over his body, and he can't. As the minutes click by with every quick beat of his heart, pain and anger merge into a dangerous resolution.

He can't die yet, Caprica's right about that. He's not dying until he can kill those frakkers who did this to him. He needs to wrap his fingers around Gage's throat and tear it from his body.

But after that? No more. The Lords of Kobol or the Cylon God, or whoever has destroyed his life can frak themselves. The humans too. He's done being their puppet and punching bag. There's no shortage of people on this ship eager to help him end this nightmare.

The promise of an ending helps and he drifts someplace dark where the pain seems far away.

* * *

Kara takes down the last guard and she spins the wheel open, while Lee and Tyrol cover the corridor. A quick head count shows they found the right place: Caprica, Athena, Hera, Helo, and Sam, all on their feet, ready.

"Come on, people, move it!" Kara barks. "We're not secure here."

Helo comes out first, carrying Hera. Then Sharon, who takes one of Kara's sidearms. Sam follows, with Caprica hovering just behind him.

Kara's battle focus wavers at the sight of him. He looks terrible - bruised and battered, with blood stains on one side of his hoodie from a head wound, and he stands a bit hunched like he's got worse wounds underneath. "Sam. You okay? You look like shit."

"Been better," is all he answers, and he doesn't look at her. "You got another gun?"

"Yeah," she answers, glad he's capable of using one, and hands him the scavenged pistol from the back of her belt. "Here."

"Did you kill Gage?" he asks.

She shakes her head, and frowns at why he's asking. "Didn't see him."

Sam pulls the slide to chamber a round, and when he lifts his head, his jaw is set and his eyes burn. "Then I will." He turns and starts down the corridor as if nothing else matters. He walks right past Tyrol without a glance.

"SAM!" she shouts after him, but he doesn't seem to hear. "Frak."

"Go after him," Caprica urges her quickly. "He's only after vengeance now."

"Why?" Kara stares at her in total incomprehension. "What did Gage--"

"Remember Thorne?" Caprica asks in a low, tight voice and hard eyes. "Gage is the same trash. He and his friends didn't care which Cylon they played with."

Kara feels her eyes widen in horror, realizing what exactly Caprica is telling her. "Oh gods." She remembers that flash of Sam's blue eyes, bright with death. She whirls and runs after him. "Sam! Wait!"

She hears gunfire in front of her and bursts into a sprint to catch him, fearing the worst. When she rounds the corner into the cross corridor, two marines are shot dead on the deck, and Sam is crouched over another man, slamming him in the face with his gun, over and over again. There's blood everywhere, and Kara takes several horrified seconds to recognize Vireem. "Sam, stop!" But he doesn't seem to hear her, still hitting the unmoving body beneath him. She's not even sure Vireem is still alive but she puts a bullet in his head anyway just to stop it.

Sam rears back in surprise as Vireem's skull comes apart. Then he turns to her, and his face is sprinkled with blood. For the barest instant she sees pure hate and rage on his face, wild and inhuman. Then he recognizes her and the expression banks to embers, but his jaw tightens and he spits out, "Go away."

"What are you doing? We've got to take back the ship. We don't have time for a personal vendetta."

"No, you have to take back the ship. I'm going to kill Gage."

"And then what?" she demands.

"Find some Cylon hater to end this. But Gage dies first. I promised," he answers flatly. He climbs to his feet, his lips pressed together tightly and moving awkwardly with pain in every movement.

She wants to ask, 'end what?', but she knows. For the first time since the horror began this morning, her chest is tight with fear. "You're not going to do that. You're a fighter - you won't give up. You don't mean it."

He laughs once humorlessly, broken and bitter. "No, of course not. Not like my life's become waiting to die. I'm tired of waiting, tired of hate, tired of being blamed for something I didn't do. So, humans can all frak themselves. I don't care anymore."

Her damn hand is shaking on her gun. "Sam... you can't let them win," is all she can find to say.

"What the frak do you want from me?" he returns in a flash of fury. "Keep taking it and taking it, and nobody ever learns a gods-damned thing? I thought Seelix was my friend, and she still tried to beat me to death. How do I fight that, Kara? Tell me. How do I get through to them, if nothing I've already done is enough?"

"You can't do anything at all, if you're dead," she says, but files the information on Seelix away in her mind for later reckoning.

His smile is edged in darkness, and his tone is vicious. "Actually, I'm hoping I wake up in another two thousand years, and I can plan to destroy humanity again. Because it's been so much fun this time around." She hears the sarcasm and can't blame him, but is afraid of the anger, because there's more than a little truth in it.

Suddenly she realizes this has happened before... The destruction of Kobol, of Earth, of the Colonies... it's a never-ending circle of hate and vengeance between humans and Cylons.

And if Sam and the rest of the Five are pushed too far and consumed by hate and desire for vengeance against humanity, and if they really are immortal, then ... it could all happen again.

A cold breeze stirs on her skin and she realizes that this moment is part of her destiny. She's been brought back to break the circle, and she can't do it with more hate and anger. That's not what he needs to hear.

She lowers her gun to her side. "I know what this animal and Gage did to you," she tells him softly. He flinches and looks away. "I can't even imagine how much you must hate them and all humans right now. But you're a good person, Sam. Don't let them change that."

He looks down at Vireem's remains, and his face shows nothing. "I'm not a person at all."

What's chilling is how he says it so calmly, as if he believes it. "Don't buy into their shit. You are who you were before. And if Vireem or Seelix don't get that, then they're morons, stuck in their own hate. Would I have married someone who's not a person? Learning you were a Cylon didn't change that. It didn't change how I feel."

His lips twist into that unfelt cold smile again, untouched by her words. "Didn't it? But it doesn't matter. Somehow I think you'll struggle on without me."

She swallows painfully, realizing she cut him down too many times so he doesn't believe her.

He turns to pursue his revenge, and she grabs his hand, pulling him back to face her. "I don't want to. And don't think we're all the same, because you know that's not true. Some of us have learned, Sam. Not just me and Helo. The admiral believes in Tigh and Sharon. Roslin's on her way to the baseship to get help, and she used to hate Cylons more than anyone. People can change."

He shakes his head a little, in denial, looks past her, and turns pale. His hand is trembling in hers. "Don't. Don't do this," he pleads with her in a voice she can hardly hear. "This is all I have..."

She knows it's unfair and she's adding to his suffering, but she has to kick that crutch of hate out from under him before it kills him, even if he falls without it. So she keeps going. "That's not true. Didn't I run all the way across this ship to rescue you? Can't you believe me?" She lets out a desperate laugh and clutches his hand against her chest so they're body to body. Her heart aches at how he tenses, but she doesn't let go. "Don't you get it, you dumbass? I don't know who or what brought me back, but they sent me back to save you." She stares up into his eyes, hoping he can see the truth in hers. "Let me save you again."

He doesn't move, doesn't seem to react, only blinks as if he's having trouble seeing her. So she takes her chance. She rises up on her toes, wishing to be just a little taller, and touches her mouth to his. It's gentle because his lip's been split and she doesn't want to hurt him more. He tastes of blood, but he kisses back, more firmly, lips opening to her. She frees her hand from his and puts it around the back of his neck to steady herself, pressing against him. She realizes it's the first time she's touched him since she found out the truth. No wonder he believed she hated him, too.

She withdraws when she feels him twitch, and she murmurs, looking right into his eyes, "I was confused, but I've never stopped loving you."

He leans his forehead against hers and his shallow, halting breaths touch her cheek and lips. His free hand settles on her hip with comforting familiarity. "You always save me."

"Damn right, I do." They stay like that for a moment. She can practically feel the mutineers all around them, and the danger prickles her skin, but she doesn't move. This is more important. If they're both killed right this second, she doesn't want hate and vengeance to be the only thing he carries to the next life.

She caresses the short hairs at his nape, until she knows they're out of time. "You okay to go?" she asks finally.

"Not really," he mutters but lifts his head. She doesn't like that his eyes are the only color in his face, or how his free hand holds his chest and he stops breathing for a moment. But he's willing, and that's more than she hoped for minutes ago.

"Gage and Brotman still die," he declares flatly, as if he expects to fight her on it.

Three of them? Oh gods. She carefully keeps her voice steady. "They won't live out the day, I promise. But if Gaeta and the rest of the frakking traitors win, we're all dead."

"Good thing you can come back," he says. It's a weak tease but at least it shows he's got a bit of a spark left, and she's glad to see it.

It's good to have someone who can share the joke. "We'll both come back and kick their asses all over again, right? Resurrection must be good for something." She lifts her gun up and ready again. "Let's go."

She moves to the corner and looks to make sure he's following. He tries to watch their six, but turning his head seems to make him dizzy and he stumbles into the bulkhead. He stays there for a heartbeat, eyes closed, and she's about to go back to him, then he forces himself away from the support with his face set in grim lines.

A sound from the other corridor makes her turn back, pistol ready. But luckily when she peers around the corner, the group from the brig have caught up.

Lee eyes Sam's newly bloodied sweatshirt and face and the unidentifiable corpse down the way, and he demands, horrified, "What did you do?"

Sam's vague gaze snaps alert and he stares Lee down unrepentantly. "I killed Vireem. Gage and Brotman are on the list too, so don't get in my way."

"Or what?" Lee challenges. "You gonna butcher everyone who hit you?"

Kara is tempted to laugh at how far off the mark he is.

Caprica moves between Sam and Lee, protectively, and snaps, "You don't know what those humans did. So spare us your moralizing."

"Gage and Vireem have always been rabid dogs," Helo interjects trying to smooth things over. "You should've heard their threats. I wanted to kill them, too." He glances at Sam as if suddenly realizing what he's saying.

Sam ignores them all and changes the subject. "Kara, where to?"

She answers, knowing there's only one goal right now, "CIC. We take down Gaeta and his cohorts there, or nothing else matters."

"Then we need to leave Hera and Sam somewhere safe," Caprica suggests.

"Baltar's group -- " Tyrol starts, but Sam interrupts sharply.

"Frak that. I'm not staying behind."

"You're hurt." Caprica lays a hand on his arm and he pulls away.

"I'm fine."

Everyone in the corridor knows that's a lie, and Kara sees that most of them have figured out how big a lie it is. She knows he'll slow them down, hurt as he is. But if she leaves him someplace, he'll go hunt for Gage and probably get himself killed. Hopefully, shooting his enemies will help him as much as it's helped her. In any case, it's as much as she can do for him, in the middle of a mutiny. "We need all the help we can get. But if you keel over, I'm locking you in a closet for the duration," she warns him.

"I won't," he swears. Given the look in his eyes, he's going to push himself until his body stages a violent mutiny of its own.

Caprica's gaze meets hers, and wordless understanding passes between them, that Caprica will watch over him for Kara. That frees her to get down to business again. "Fine. First we need more guns and --"

"Incoming," Athena calls out as she trots back from keeping watch on the approach to the brig. "Six marines and Racetrack." She sounds surprised and appalled that Maggie's part of it.

Kara's trigger finger itches for a firefight, but they have no cover and the marines probably have grenades. "Our very good friend. Frak. Let's get out of here."

They go together, this misfit group of damaged Cylons and humans and not-quite-either, to take back their home.

the end.

I think I needed to write this so Ron would joss it. please.
clezzy.: you always wanted to believeclez on February 5th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC)
Wow, that was intense. Very painful to read, and I was literally cringing at parts, but it was amazing, in that gritty way you can't help but love. I've gotta give you props for writing this, it can't have been easy, but you did it well. You provoked emotion, of several different kinds, and that's my favourite sort of fic, the ones that can make me feel.
lizardbeth: Anders - gunlizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:34 am (UTC)
thank you, I appreciate that. It was a dark space to put myself for a few days, so it's good to hear that it was worth it.
Mayhem Parva: (plaidphoenix) cameron Microsoftraincitygirl on February 5th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)
Well, I can't say I *enjoyed* reading this, but it was compelling as hell.
lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:29 am (UTC)
thanks! And yeah, I usually say "Enjoy!" at the bottom of my header - and I couldn't this time. :(
greygreycoupon on February 5th, 2009 01:53 am (UTC)
I umm...yeah. I need fluffy bunny fic now!
lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:27 am (UTC)
yeah, me too! :)
Allison: Sam - Unforgottenfrolicndetour on February 5th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
This was really tough to read, but compelling and so in character. I can believe this happening, in the world of the show - though I'd bet a lot that it won't happen ON the show. Of course, I've been wrong before. Meep! *crosses fingers*

Oh, Sammy.
lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:44 am (UTC)
I wouldn't mind being right on the end part in some fashion, but yeah, I desperately hope I'll be jossed overall. *hugs Sam*

But yes, it could totally happen in the show. Hopefully there's not really enough time before Kara comes and/or Team Cylon escapes the brig for it to happen, even if the show would go there.

Merry Fivanolix on February 5th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
Ow...oh ow. Painfully well written, and the triumph was worth the pain. Except I don't want them to have to overcome that much, but since they had to, at least they did it in a way that had my heart swelling with pride.
lizardbeth: Kara-Sam -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:53 am (UTC)
thank you! And no, I don't want them to have to overcome that, too, either, definitely. They've got enough problems already. Except I am on occasion even meaner than Ron, so I like finding out what else might happen.
patron saint of neglected female characters: wistfulrose_griffes on February 5th, 2009 03:28 am (UTC)

There's almost no way they can create anything as traumatic as this on the next episode. This was horrible and amazing at once, by the way.
lizardbeth: Anders- Helolizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 08:48 am (UTC)
I sure hope not. How terrifying is it that we can't say for absolutely sure? eek.
Thank you!
The Proverbial Bull in a China Shop...: Anderssabaceanbabe on February 5th, 2009 03:31 am (UTC)
I love this: she murmurs, looking right into his eyes, "I was confused, but I've never stopped loving you."

Harsh fic, and painful, and I hope to frak that you're jossed very, very soon, but still...


lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
aw, the only purely romantic line in the whole thing! ;) boy, do I hope it doesn't take something this awful to get her to SAY something.

Kali: Anders- wisteria_altorogue on February 5th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
That was incredibly REAL. And I'm slightly nauseated but I suppose that just speaks to how well written it was. I'm desperately hoping most of it gets Jossed, but I really really would like Sam and Kara to talk, reconcile, SOMETHING. Let's hope whatever brings that on isn't this.
lizardbeth: Anders- b&wlizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC)
thank you (though I am sorry it made you ill). Hopefully whatever does happen is enough to get them to SEE each other again, and realize they're both going through the same thing. talking would be nice, kissing would be a bonus, but yeah, SOMETHING! But I don't want it to be something as awful as this, either.
inathunderstorm on February 5th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC)
Painful and intense, just like the show. Very well-written, heart-breaking, bittersweet, and painful. This really captures the tone of the show very well; gritty and grim and covered with pain and death and blood, but with the faintest glimmer of hope buried beneath it all.
lizardbeth: Anders - gunlizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 06:07 pm (UTC)
thank you! I've been really happy that people "get" the fic. And buried faint glimmer of hope is about the best definition of the fic (and show, for that matter!) that I can think of...
Artemis: Kara mad spartemis_90 on February 5th, 2009 08:05 am (UTC)
Wow. It was dark and powerful. A little too much for me, I'll admit to skipping the first part much. But I hope you'll write retribution fic, I think Sam's need some "reckoning'".
lizardbeth: Anders - gunlizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
that's why I put in the jump - so people could avoid the really hard part, if they wanted. I knew it wasn't going to be something everyone would want or even could read. So thanks for reading anyway!

He got one at least, so he had a bit of his vengeance. No more for now, unless something in 'blood in the scales' prompts a continuation.
(Deleted comment)
lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
oh yes, he provoked on purpose to get Gage's attention from the women, though he didn't expect to take their place in the same exact way. Still, he'd do it again, I think, to spare them. *hugs poor hurt, brave Sam*

Thank you!

weissmanweissman on February 5th, 2009 12:43 pm (UTC)
I can hardly wait until Friday, and I will never forgive Race Track
lizardbeth: Anders- Helolizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
oh, Racetrack. HOW COULD SHE? After everything she knows about Sharon, to be part of something that puts Family Agathon in danger of being murdered? And for what? Makes me so mad!
(no subject) - weissman on February 6th, 2009 12:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
emmiere: andersemmiere on February 5th, 2009 01:03 pm (UTC)
Oh...that hurt.

I almost don't know what to say though, because it's very good and perfectly in character, but so hard to read. You have a way of writing that draws me in and doesn't let go until the end, which has a lovely hopeful tone that I wish for, without the trauma of this preceding it.

I'll be waiting on Friday for it NOT to happen, but you've done an amazing job with it here.
lizardbeth: Anders - greylizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 10:02 pm (UTC)
I hope we don't get suffering like this for anyone, that's for sure. And hopefully it'll take something a lot less horrible to get Kara and Sam to interact again!

I know it's hard to read (hell, it was hard to write), so thank you!
cujoy on February 5th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
Wow. Incredibly painful, and fearfully possible. Though I don't think it will happen on the show, because I think they'll probably leave rape as a female issue. But in a BSG world without a filter, yes, this could happen.

This story actually highlights very well what is strong and good about Sam Anders. He takes this for the team, but I think it turned out to be far worse then he imagined.
lizardbeth: Anders - gunlizardbeth_j on February 5th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
oh, I don't think the show'd actually go here (and for sure not anything beyond implied), but in 'verse, I think it would actually be pretty likely, especially if Sam got in the way like this.

it turned out to be far worse then he imagined. Definitely. The physical part he expected and can handle, but the emotional attack on his self was too much. I touch on it a bit here, but if I went on, one of the lasting effects of the attack and the mutiny in general would be aligning himself as a Cylon. So humans become "them". Which makes me sad, because it's humans that pushed him there, perpetuating the cycle.

Anyway, thank you! *hugs brave and good Sam*

leafmeal: mementoleafmeal on February 8th, 2009 02:17 am (UTC)
Whoa! I'm glad I read this after watching last night's episode. I can't seem to resist the dark and disturbing scenarios, and this one's very well done.

Nice to be reminded that Cylons were once the servant class (even though they didn't have human form then, and who knows what the Final Five have to do with all that). Every time they say "skin job" it reminds me of the replicants in Blade Runner and how some of them were actually created as sex slaves, making their desire to rebel understandable...

I like the idea of the 2000-year cycle of revenge. Sounds all too plausible.
lizardbeth: Anders- b&wlizardbeth_j on February 10th, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
I've never been so glad to get a fic jossed, that's for sure!

I obviously have no idea whether this cycle of Cylon-human revenge is what's going on, but yeah, it does seem like it very well could be. It's a totally self-defeating circle, and I can see why the Lords of Kobol might get sick of it and send someone (Kara) into position to keep at least one of the Five from carrying that revenge to the next generation.