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05 October 2008 @ 08:54 pm
Fic: Where the Pinions Stoop to Earth  
Crossover: Battlestar Galactica/Supernatural
Spoilers: BSG Revelations and Supernatural Lazarus Rising
Rating: PG
Pairing-Characters: Anders, Castiel (maybe Anders/Castiel if you squint, but very vague)
Words: 1600 words
Summary: Our days upon Earth are but a shadow... and you shall shine forth and be as the morning

Note: Written for the bsg_slashathon comment-a-thon. Quotation somewhat mangled from the Book of Job.
And whether this is slash or gen probably depends on how you take the meaning of Rapture...

Frozen in place, Sam stared blindly, until his eyes seemed as dry as the sand beneath his feet, long after the others wandered away among the ruins.

It was all for nothing. He'd given up everything - Kara, being human, himself - for this blasted hell. He knew he should be angry, but he couldn't feel anything at all. Everything seemed cold and far away.

But suddenly that hum sounded above the wind in his ears, and he jerked, snapping his head up to listen. Then he shut his eyes in refusal. He grit his teeth and pretended he didn't hear anything.

It grew louder, more insistent, a high-pitched whine between his ears and spiking in his brain like a sudden migraine and he knew he had no choice.

Tory was standing off to his left, but she didn't seem to hear it. At a distance, he saw Galen and Saul, walking the wrong direction, and neither of them reacted.

Just him then.

He turned abruptly, walked away from the colonials and the cylons, barely seeing any of them, putting the bridge and ruins of the temple behind him. The cold slipped through his jacket, icy fingers on his neck and at his throat, but he didn't care. The sound pulled him along the shore, south ward, through the desolation.

The hum grew louder, but also more musical and so more bearable, a song that seemed on the edge of familiar. It didn't seem to be the same song as before, but it reminded him of childhood, of being safe and loved. At some point the music began to soften as he walked, at last fading away when the sun touched the horizon, washing the gray water and gray clouds in warm tones of orange and yellow. He stopped to face the west, and closed his eyes against the light, but the sunlight didn't penetrate the cold in his bones. Soon he could open his eyes again as the last rays glowed in the sky and glinted in the spires across the bay.

Except for the wind whistling and the sound of the small waves, all was silent. He waited, resigned to further revelation. It had drawn him here, miles away from everyone else, for some purpose and he had to wait for it. In that moment he felt very small and alone.

A voice spoke from beside him, breaking into his solitude, and yet Sam wasn't startled. "Not alone, my brother. God is always with us."

Expecting Leoben, even though it wasn't his voice, Sam turned. But the man standing next to him wasn't Leoben. It wasn't anyone he'd seen before: he had dark hair, a long tan coat, shirt, and black trousers. All of it, including his face, seemed scruffy and worn. His gaze rested on Sam, and his expression seemed sad. There was something familiar about the eyes... enough that Sam didn't immediately think how odd it was that he hadn't heard anyone approach.

"God?" Sam repeated bitterly. "I'm so frakking sick of god. Gods. Destiny. All of it."

The stranger cocked his head to one side, regarding him with those sad eyes. "You don't remember," he realized abruptly.

"Oh, I remember," Sam gave a hollow laugh at the irony. "I remember my whole life. Of course, it's not actually my life. It's all a lie."

The stranger shook his head a little. "It's not a lie," he answered. "It was your life. Or rather, your vessel's life."

Sam was also heartily sick of cryptic bullshit, and people who thought they knew things about him, when no one had seen fit to tell him anything. "Who the frak are you?"

"Castiel," he answered, as if that was supposed to mean something to Sam.

"Are you a Cylon?" Sam demanded. "Is that why you talk about god? Why do you know me?"

"I am an angel of the lord," he answered, as if it was self-evident. "And so are you. But you," he moved closer, frowning at Sam, examining him. Even though he wasn't as tall, there was ... something holding Sam there, unable to move, or even breathe as Castiel moved closer. His eyes seemed to stare right into Sam, deeper, touching his soul. "I see it now. You are trapped inside this form. The Cylons altered it, trying to bind your power. So you have forgotten."

Sam heard the words and trembled. He shook his head in instinctive denial, swallowing back the sudden lump of fear inside him. "I ... don't know what you're talking about."

Castiel reached out and laid his hand against Sam's cheek, warm against the cold, then lowered it again. "I will show you what you truly are," he whispered.

The wind grew stronger, blowing back Castiel's coat and yet Sam barely felt it, as the sky- the air - seemed charged with power. The gray light brightened, and Sam held his breath as he watched ... wings unfurled behind Castiel, great shadows against the light as the sound of storm-tossed waves crashed against him. Sam stared, a feeling welling deep inside of awe and pure longing. He took a step nearer, drawn to the light and the form within it. Then only Castiel stood there, as unassuming as before, except for the electric feeling still running through Sam's veins and across his skin.

He shook his head slowly, unable to look away. "That's not ... me. It can't be. I'm a... I'm a Cylon." He had to push the words out through a strangled throat, hating to admit the truth aloud. He forced himself back a step, two, denying what he wanted so desperately. Moving away made him ache down to the bone, and tears sprang to his eyes, knowing it was out of his reach because of who - what - he was.

"You are so much more," Castiel murmured.

Sam wanted to believe it, but it was too much for him. "I want..." Sam started hopelessly, and stopped. His shoulders slumped and his hands curled into the slick fabric of his flightsuit as if to hold himself up. And somehow, the words came out, though he hadn't even admitted them to himself. "I'm so tired," he confessed in a whisper. "So tired..."

"You've been gone a long time," Castiel said. "And you have done your work, but it's time to come home." In the space of a blink he was right before Sam again, the reflection of infinity in his eyes, and his hands framed Sam's face with a gentle touch. Sam shook with chills, even though the hands were warm. "Remember," Castiel whispered, right before his lips touched Sam's.

Sam closed his eyes automatically for the kiss. For the first heartbeat, it was any kiss - lips on his, pressing closer, coaxing him to open... he trembled, wondering wildly why he was letting this stranger kiss him.

Then the ground fell away from beneath his feet. He was falling and falling, into the void of eternity, but Castiel caught him, pulled him close. He cradled Sam against him, the welcome heat of another body in all the cold.

Remember... Castiel's voice was different, not in his ears now, but thrumming in his blood and his mind. And Castiel's hands - was it his hands? - caressed Sam, his touch chasing the numbness and confusion away. Remember. The word was like lightning, shooting all through him - a burst of light in the dark. Knowledge flooded him, but it was too much, pounding him with white waves too strong for his frail form. He tried to scream, but he was drowning, pulled down in the icy depths.

He wasn't alone. Castiel called to him, echoing from everywhere: I am here. Find me. Come home now. Come home to me...

Sam followed the shimmering rope of the voice. Sam reached for him, felt his hands grasped tight. He could feel Castiel there, all around, warmth and light in the emptiness. There was the soft brush of something like wings on his skin - so gentle it was nearly unbearable. A mouth on him, drawing out his fear, as one light dipped into the other, twining together, until Sam couldn't know where he stopped and the other began. Then a deeper touch as Castiel reached inside and pulled, irresistible as the tide or gravity. Sam shuddered endlessly, and it was all so intense, part of him wanted to pull away and hide.

Samuel, there's nothing to fear. Come home, Castiel urged, and the love in his voice burned away the last of the cold.

Heat rose all through him, not in his body, but in his soul - a cleansing fire that swept through him and set him free.

He opened his eyes. The light filled his vision, and peace filled his spirit as a balm to the ragged edges of loss and pain and fear.

He saw himself bound by one last strand of humanity, tying him to the people he still thought of as his own.

You must leave them, Castiel told him, his voice weighted with sorrow and understanding. We have done all we can. They must choose their own path now.

Sam grieved, but he knew it was the truth. He saw them all: Roslin and Adama and their love hard-won but true; D'Anna standing in the shadow of her own ambition, humans and cylons together... His gaze settled on Kara, and saw her soul still as bright as the new dawn. He leaned forward, to press a kiss to her lips. "I love you," he whispered, hoping she could hear him. "Always. Forgive me." She blinked and put her hand to her mouth as if she felt something, then looked around with a puzzled face, murmuring his name.

Reluctantly, Sam turned away and saw Castiel waiting for him. Sam could see beyond the mortal visage now, and he longed with all his soul to join with the glory he saw there, and yet he hesitated to break that final thread.

Castiel held out his hand. We're waiting for you. After one glance back, Sam took his offered hand and stepped from the twilight, through the darkness, and into the morning.

Behind him, the shadows of wings passed across the golden clouds of the western sky. The scent of forgotten flowers and clean rain lingered on the breeze above the motionless body in the sand.


don't try this at home: BSG Sam Anders shinyenigel on October 6th, 2008 11:13 pm (UTC)
*squeaks and flails*

the love in his voice burned away the last of the cold.

from the twilight, through the darkness, and into the morning.


I imagine it's after the big war, the good side has won but the Earth looks like we saw it in BSG, and what's left of two tribes of humanity, with added cylons, must rebuild civilisation, without celestial or evil interference. So Sam has lead the colonials to Earth, and can now return home...
lizardbeth: Anders-streamlizardbeth_j on October 7th, 2008 02:53 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it, since it was your prompt! :D I really couldn't THINK of anything else for the past day.

Anders and Final Five spec are already my obsession -- but Castiel, why must you punch my buttons SO HARD?

(Deleted comment)
lizardbeth: Anders with ciglizardbeth_j on October 7th, 2008 10:46 pm (UTC)
thank you! I appreciate it (especially on something so weird). :)
To Hell with this. I'm gonna live!: Michael Trucco backjustmyb0nes on October 8th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
love it !!!! Great work!!! It fits sooo well :!!!!!
lizardbeth: Anders- demetriuslizardbeth_j on October 9th, 2008 01:49 am (UTC)

I know it's wishful thinking on my part, but wouldn't it be GREAT?
To Hell with this. I'm gonna live!justmyb0nes on October 9th, 2008 05:52 am (UTC)
It would be awesome. I have no idea how you had the idea but you were well inspired
mamaboolj on October 9th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
Very interesting premise. You write spiritual, mystical very well, in a way that I could never, ever imagine. And of course, this part is so very touching...

He leaned forward, to press a kiss to her lips. "I love you," he whispered, hoping she could hear him. "Always. Forgive me." She blinked and put her hand to her mouth as if she felt something, then looked around with a puzzled face, murmuring his name.
lizardbeth: Anders - cross outlizardbeth_j on October 9th, 2008 06:11 am (UTC)
oh I'm so glad it worked all right for you. THank you for giving it a try! :)

Someday I will work through my fear that Sam's slated for death/sacrifice/ascension/something in 4.5.... but not this week.
Simone: light darknesscounselor69 on October 9th, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC)
This is so wonderfully written! Thanks for sharing!
lizardbeth: Anders- demetriuslizardbeth_j on October 10th, 2008 01:32 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it!
inathunderstorm on October 9th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)

I don't know SPN, but I know BSG, and I really adore your writing so I decided to give this a read! I LOVE it, and the Kara/Sam part made me sniffle. ::sniffles::

Also, this:

Samuel, there's nothing to fear. Come home, Castiel urged, and the love in his voice burned away the last of the cold.

lizardbeth: Kara-Anders last supperlizardbeth_j on October 10th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC)
Thanks! And extra thanks for trying it when it's not (half) your fandom.

Yeah, poor Kara and Sam. He gets to go home, but he has to leave her. And she'll never know what happened to him. *sniffles with you*
The Proverbial Bull in a China Shop...: Castielsabaceanbabe on October 13th, 2008 01:12 pm (UTC)
Dude. This? Is my canon. Yes. ('Cause I'm so very worried about our boy and this would be a good ending.)

Your imagery is so intense and lyrical and just... *guh*
lizardbeth: Castiellizardbeth_j on October 14th, 2008 07:31 am (UTC)
I just know I'm going to be re-reading this next year. COMPULSIVELY. *clings to you and wibbles*

Thanks! :D
yeah, i live on the hellmouth.: SPN - Castielvichan on April 22nd, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)
Oh, WOW. Awesome use of images in this, with so much left unsaid but doesn't NEED to be said. Wonderful job!

I think this might be the 4th or 5th time I've found myself at your journal in the past couple days (I'm on a major BSG kick - damn people on flist squeeing about it too much made me watch it), so I was wondering if it might be okay if I friend you? :)
lizardbeth: Anders- Helolizardbeth_j on April 22nd, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! For something meant for a porn battle, it turned into one of my favorite fics ever, so I'm glad for the comment! *pets fic*

a ha! I knew I'd seen your name around someplace - are you in Spn fandom mostly? I sort of lurk on the edges, mostly the meta end of things, not fic (this is my one big contribution to Spn fic.)

But of course, I don't mind. :) *friends*
yeah, i live on the hellmouth.: BSG - Andersvichan on April 22nd, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
Yup, mostly SPN. (And now BSG, apparently. *shakes fist at everyone*)

*friends back*