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05 August 2008 @ 10:59 pm
Fic: Player of the Year  
Player of the Year
by lizardbeth_j

pairing: Kara/Sam
Rating: PG
Summary: The Biopic of Samuel T. Anders. HILARITY ENSUES!

note: Ok, maybe not hilarity. I exaggerate slightly a lot. I was poking through my unfinished fic and I found this, that I started for a challenge on pyramidofdreams forever ago. I don't know that anyone will find it funny - but at least it's light-hearted! Which is a nice break from the angst and woe in my brain at the moment. So I tied it up into an ending.

Kara was never sure where it came from. The tape magically appeared in her rack after they'd come back from Caprica. The note read simply: "Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"

Curious, she put the tape in and settled in front of it closely, ready to switch it off if it turned out to be porn or something even more embarrassing to have in the rec room.

She only needed the first five notes of the distinctive music, and the title card, "Player of the Year" and she started to laugh.

Racetrack came in. "Starbuck? Hey, I could use a laugh."

Kara could only point at the screen as the young man on screen got off the train and looked at the empty station with intense disappointment. She managed to gasp out, "It's -- it's -- Player of the Year."

Maggie raised her eyebrows. "And?" Then realization dawned and she looked back and forth between Kara and the screen in disbelief - "The Anders movie? You have it?"

"Anonymous present." Kara chortled some more as the actor flung his duffel bag to the ground and pouted. He looked nothing like Sam, was too short and couldn't act or play Pyramid. The best she could say was that he had adequate shoulders, if not nearly as good as Sam's.

Maggie flopped into the seat at the table to watch. Kat came in next, "Oh hey, I haven't seen this before. New movie?"

"It's bad," Maggie warned.

Kat shrugged and sprawled next to her, "Don't care. It's new." It took a minute for her to realize what it was and she burst out in disbelief, "That guy's supposed to be Anders? You gotta be frakkin' kidding me!"

Kara and Maggie joined in her laughter. Kara wished she had popcorn.

Then it got better when she heard a familiar voice behind her say in utter horror and disgust. "Oh Gods. The Colonies get nuked and this survived?"

She turned to see Sam staring at the screen. "I'm going to kill Hilliard," he muttered. "He brought it with him, the frakker."

Kara could only snicker at him. "He's not even in it."

"Why do you think he likes it so much? His idea of a practical joke was to sneak this in, instead of the tape we were supposed to watch at practice." He settled next to her, groaning as the actor tossed the ball around with his team-mates on the Delphi Nuggets. "Gods, I threw the ball better than this guy when I was five."

"At least the girl playing Barolay knows what she's doing." That had the unfortunate side-effect of making "Sam" look even less competent. The expression on Sam's face was deliciously pained, but she noticed even he couldn't stop watching.

"Wow, you've got such a suave way with women," she observed dryly, as the "Sam" on screen kissed the actress, and had no idea what to do with his hands so he sort of pawed at her. It was especially painful to watch now that Kara had experienced the real thing.

Maggie called, "Hey Anders. Did you really frak Maria Convibis?" Which happened later on in the movie, but apparently Maggie had managed to sit through to the part where "Sam" frakked the supermodel.

"No. But I did," he glanced at Kara and changed what he was going to say, "date her sister Daphne though. For about two weeks."

Kara snorted, not surprised. "Oh Sammy, you telling me I'm not your first frak?" she mocked.

"Not even close," he answered cheerfully, "but you're the hottest I've seen since the end of the world."

She kissed him for that, until a moment on the screen caught her eye: "Sam" getting into a hot blue sportscar. "Hey, look, your car's blue." Everybody who knew anything about Sam knew he'd bought a yellow Sayan Duster with his first pro check.

He shook his head and said mournfully, "I miss that car. You know, this trash couldn't get my dog right either. They even say I was born on Tauron. How can anybody get that wrong?" he complained and put his hands over his face as the middle-school level Pyramid continued on screen. Kara patted his shoulder, still chuckling.

The scene switched to thirty seconds of old footage from an actual game and the difference was like night and day -- they never showed Sam's face, but she knew which player was him - graceful, powerful and fast, especially for a guy his size. Then it went back to the actor for a reaction shot after the win, and Kara snorted. "You're the best part of the whole movie. I forgot how you used to be so quick."

His head jerked up, glaring at her in pretended offense. ""Used to be"? You calling me slow?"

"And old," she teased him.

He pulled her onto his lap, "I didn't hear you complaining this morning," he muttered, nuzzling under her ear while his hands - gods, such big frakkin hands- enclosed her hips and waist.

"Hey, lovebirds, shut it," Kat ordered. "We're trying to watch the movie."

He lifted his head, "We kicked Panther ass. The end." He paused for a moment and added in a tone meant to be joking, but was entirely too heavy for that, "They forgot the big Cylon bombs and everybody dying and running around in the mountains with guns. Piece of crap," he muttered, staring at the screen but not seeing it any more.

Kara decided to kiss him out of his sinking mood, and knew it was working when his hands pulled her hips down tight into his lap and he squirmed beneath her, trying to find a good angle.

Something small and soft hit her in the head and she pulled free of Sam to glare at Maggie, who had another balled up piece of paper primed to throw. 'Track just grinned at her, but in a way that suggested frakking on the couch, between her and the movie was a deadly serious offense.

Kara stood up and grabbed Sam's hand to tug him up. "Let's leave them to their crap movie about a fake version of you. I have the real thing." She made certain to grope his ass in full view of the two others before they started for the door.

She glanced over her shoulder at the movie as "Sam" put on his C-Bucs uniform for the first time. It was the same shirt that Sam was wearing today, though his was turning grey and ragged from too much wear.

For a moment it felt strange to think that this man next to her had a movie, even a bad one, about his life. Hell, it seemed strange that he had a life before at all, like he sprang up out of the ground at the attacks to lead the resistance against the Cylons, even though she remembered watching him play.

But then, glancing up at his face and meeting his blue eyes, she couldn't help a saucy grin and a nudge of his hip with hers, and everything fell back into how it was supposed to be, as he nudged her back and slung an arm over her shoulder.

"Come on, player of the year," she teased, "show me what you've got."

He groaned and she smirked, vowing to find something nice for Hilliard to repay him for the hours of entertainment she was going to get out of this.

the end.

hopefully you were.... entertained...? yes?
Mayhem Parva: Helo (atomicapples)raincitygirl on August 6th, 2008 06:12 am (UTC)
Heeee!!!!! So funny.
lizardbeth: Kara-Anders -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on August 6th, 2008 06:20 am (UTC)
you are quick! I haven't even finished fixing the typos that seem to appear the second I post.

Thanks, I'm glad it was funny. Like, at all. :)
Elle: BSG - kara sractchquiet_elle on August 6th, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
:D brilliant hun :P gorgeous and fun ^_^
lizardbeth: Anders with ciglizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
glad it was fun, that was the idea! :)
cujoy on August 6th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
:lol: I love it! I want to see this movie. And I'm trying to imagine what too-short man they would cast as Samuel T. Anders.

(For some reason, I'm picturing Charlie Sheen. They always cast him in sports movies.)

Edited at 2008-08-06 01:46 pm (UTC)
lizardbeth: Anders - gunlizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:36 am (UTC)
wouldn't it be such a fun movie? heh. One of those cheaply made celebrity t.v. movies of the week with some B-list actor to cash in on some big event...

Charlie Sheen would be HILARIOUS as a replacement! :)
Kelly...It's like Jello with a K and a Y: [bsg] We suck.  Seriously...we do.centerspire on August 6th, 2008 02:37 pm (UTC)
lizardbeth: Anders with ciglizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
mamaboolj on August 6th, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC)
Very fun! I needed a chuckle, and this did the job perfectly.
lizardbeth: Anders-Kara - Believethlizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
yay! glad it was fun. :)
Allison: Starbuck:Mark IIfrolicndetour on August 6th, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
Bwah! That was hilarious. Hilliard leaving the tape anonymously was an especially nice touch.
lizardbeth: Anders with ciglizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:39 am (UTC)
In my Person Fanon of the C-Bucs, Hilliard knew him the longest so he could get away with this sort of thing... :)

thanks you stranger you! ;)
elzedelzed on August 6th, 2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
Yes! Entertained - and it was a sweet and entirely believable little scene, too. V. nice.
lizardbeth: Anders - Leelizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:39 am (UTC)
hee, glad it was fun and entertaining. Humor is always so tricky. :)
(Deleted comment)
lizardbeth: Kara-Anders -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
entertaining in a disturbing waylyssie on August 7th, 2008 05:01 am (UTC)
I'm, like, as noncoherent as Palmetto. *hearts*
lizardbeth: Kara-Anders -Demetriuslizardbeth_j on August 7th, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
It's a wee silly thing, but thanks! :)