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12 April 2006 @ 08:32 am
Fic: Five Senses: part 3: Lack of Perfection  
Title: Lack of Perfection
Author: lizardbeth_j
BSG, Helo/Sharon
Again, for the stagesoflove challenge of "Exploring a Relationship with the Five Senses"; Prompt 3: Touch
Rating: R (adult situations)
Word Count: 520
Summary: Sharon is more and less than she was before.

A/N: I know what I tried to do with this one, I'm just not sure that it actually happened. The part I originally was going to use didn't work here, so I kinda ran out of time.

Previous parts are here:
Part 1: The Empty Glass
Part 2: The Buzzing of Bees



Sometimes Sharon dreads Helo's visit. Sometimes when she sees him, all she can remember is that moment of joy when the three of them were a family. The touch of her baby's hand was the most perfect moment Sharon has ever known. The knowledge that the moment is lost forever remains unbearable.

Despite the loss, she usually anticipates his arrival eagerly. But whenever he's not with her, she worries. It's only a matter of time before the Cylons find the Fleet, and Helo's on the front lines on CAP. He's all she has left, and she wants to cling to him and keep him safe. She wishes she could ask him to stop flying, but she knows about duty.

The echo of memory comes back to her:

Three ordered, "It is believed that Eight and Ten may be viable. You have been selected for this procreative coupling."

Eight gave the only possible answer, "By your command."


At first, she and Helo use the phone to talk, but discover that if they both sit on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, the inch of clear composite can carry their conversation just fine.

It is not quite touching, but since Adama refuses to open the door, it's as close as they can get. She rests her head against the wall, next to his, and closes her eyes. She tries to content herself with memories of Caprica, and sometimes it's almost enough.

There were leaves in her hair, and dirt-roughened fingers on her skin. His lips were dry. He was too tall. His hands were clumsy in his haste.

The bed was soft and comfortable. Eight waited there, until Ten came through the door. He was naked, just as she was. She watched him approach, willing to do her duty, but inside, she felt nothing.

She never expected to feel anything. It was an assignment, nothing more. But his touch was exciting. His kiss made her heart rate flutter dangerously fast.

Helo will never understand why she loves him. His human imperfection, his passion, his weaknesses are precious to her -- Cylons don't have them. They do everything perfectly.

Ten touched her proficiently. Her body responded as it should, accepting him within her easily. When he finished, he stood by the edge of the bed. Three and Six joined him and looked down at her.

Eight felt nothing different in her body and reported: "The attempt failed." Ten didn't even look back as he left.

She wondered if the experience always felt so empty for the humans, too.


In that moment, when Helo's touch surrounded her and she felt as though the whole universe could burn as long as he didn't stop, she knew she was lost. She found something new with him. In reaching for completion with him, she stepped off the shallow path of duty into an unknown, uncertain solitude.

After the touch of his cheek against her hair in affectionate caress, she can never go back to the way she was. The remembered feel of his arms around her holds her safe, even when she knows what an illusion it is.

Once she was one of many, and now she is apart from everyone, even Helo. But at least they are no different, each on one side of the wall. Alone.

to Part 4: A Path in the Forest

 
 
 
weissmanweissman on April 12th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC)
Hi beth

Totally wonderful, Thanks for posting, I love your stuff. Not to get to adult but I always wondered why Sharon wasn't a virgin when she made love to Helo.

"How could she not fall in love with Helo"

Bob
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 02:26 am (UTC)

"How could she not fall in love with Helo"

exactly. Not to say that the appeal isn't present (cuz, well, Tahmoh), but there had to be something more. We know what the general Cylon mindset is toward Humans, and she had to get past that. And my theory is that Helo became everything she didn't have and discovered she wanted: passion and randomness and individuality. (then discovered those things were also heart-breakingly messy...)

It'll be interesting to find out where Resurrected!Boomer ends up, especially once she starts interacting with humans again.

Thanks for reading!
weissmanweissman on April 13th, 2006 10:58 am (UTC)
I am more concerned what will be happening to Sharon, Helo and Hera in season III
Bob
The Proverbial Bull in a China Shop...: Unforgettable - icon by shadowserenitysabaceanbabe on April 12th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC)
Another wholly satisfying chapter. I love the dichotomy of her sterile memories of Ten (who is Ten, in your 'verse? Have we met him yet?) played against her memories of Helo and how vastly different the two experiences were.

And this: At first, she and Helo use the phone to talk, but discover that if they both sit on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, the inch of clear composite can carry their conversation just fine.

It is not quite touching, but since Adama refuses to open the door, it's as close as they can get. She rests her head against the wall, next to his, and closes her eyes. She tries to content herself with memories of Caprica, and sometimes it's almost enough.
This was perfect.

Thank you.
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 02:37 am (UTC)
(who is Ten, in your 'verse? Have we met him yet?)...

Honestly I didn't really picture anyone, since it doesn't really matter. It could be Leoben, it could be Cavill, it could be someone we haven't met yet (*cough*Gaeta*cough*). It's not Doral, that's all I know. :) Of course, with my luck we'll find out Ten is one of the females....

Thanks!
betareject on April 12th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
Wow as always this is just beyond lovely I look forward to reading the rest as they come out!! =D
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC)
Thanks! Two more to go! :D
Mayhem Parvaraincitygirl on April 13th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC)
This is really good. I liked the contrast with her memories. And Adama really needs to open the door!
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
Thank you!

And Adama really needs to open the door!

It's coming, it's coming, I promise! :)
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 03:26 am (UTC)
And clearly I really need to close italics tags. :D
Lady Pennyface: Pretty Helo & His Gunoregonblondie on April 13th, 2006 02:44 am (UTC)
Yays! I'm loving these. Very interesting using the flashback of Eight & Ten.

Helo will never understand why she loves him. His human imperfection, his passion, his weaknesses are precious to her -- Cylons don't have them. They do everything perfectly.


This probablly my favorite line, just because it seems very real and beautiful.

I can't wait to read the next two!
lizardbeth: Helo Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 13th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)

I imagine the Cylon Collective as a very comfortable and even comforting place, if you're a part of it. But as we saw in Downloaded, it can be difficult once a Cylon starts to differentiate herself from the whole. Either they step outside the whole, as Sharon seems to have, or they try to remake the whole to fit them, as it looks like the two Resurrected Boomer and Six apparently have. But either way, it's a challenge for them to deal with, since their 'society' isn't based on the individual. And yet, they modeled themselves so closely on humans, it was, I suspect, pretty much inevitable.

Anyway, not to unload my entire Cylon sociological yammerings on you, sorry! :/ Thanks for your comments!
Jeffrepr0b8 on April 14th, 2006 02:41 pm (UTC)
Very cool, lizardbeth! Each one of these is fascinating....I can't wait to see what you do with taste and smell! :D
lizardbeth: Sharonlizardbeth_j on April 14th, 2006 11:43 pm (UTC)
smell first... (oh crap, I better go check! Thanks for the reminder, it's been awhile since I actually looked at the order)

But thanks. the pressure's on, eh?

And btw, friended you -- I wasn't sure how much you were gonna be around, but it looks like you can't stay away... :)
Jeffrepr0b8 on April 19th, 2006 04:09 am (UTC)
Friended you as well. :D

I'll be writing H/S for a long time...even if the show takes a turn I hate (again), I'm still in love with these characters. And I have to say I *really* enjoy the way you write them. I'm kinda picky on my helo/sharon characterization, and you've got it nailed. :)